Horoscopes
by new moongirl
Summary: RoyxEd yaoi Oneshot Ed's horoscope proclaimed that he would have a very bad week. But it had nothing to do with his actually having a bad week. He's determined to prove it wrong.
1. horoscopes

**Idon't own FMA**

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Ed did not believe in horoscopes.

He didn't.

Now you may ask if he doesn't believe in horoscopes why did he read his. The answer tho that question is that he didn't. Al did.

But that's beside the point.

Just because his horoscope said that he would have a terrible week did not indicate that it had anything to do with his actually _having_ a horrible week.

Nope, not at all.

It was all just a coincidence.

Sure, he lost his wallet on Monday, got beat-up by Envy on Tuesday, didn't find anything on the philosophers stone on Wednesday, didn't complete his report on Thursday, got called short 12 times on Friday, and lost his left shoe on Saturday.

His horoscope had nothing to do with any of that. Nothing at all.

Now it was Sunday, and on this day, nothing bad would happen, because horoscopes weren't real, they were just for peoples entertainment.

Ed lay in his bed at 12:00 on Sunday morning. The sun shone in the windows, birds chirped cheerfully, nothing bad was happening, not today.

Ed smiled, he would prove his bad horoscope wrong, nothing would go wrong today.

Nothing.

A knock on his dorm door abruptly interrupted his thinking.

Al probably locked himself out again.

Ed pushed himself off of the bad and opened the door.

Riza Hawkeye stood outside his door, not Al.

Darn.

"Yes lieutenant?" he asked quickly.

"Major Elric, the Colonel would like to see you in his office right away." She answered in an efficient manner.

Ed sighed, "very well, inform him that I will be there shortly."

Riza nodded as she turned and walked away.

Ed closed the door and wrote a note to Al about where he was.

Grabbing his coat, he walked out the door, locking it behind him and taping the note to the outside of the door.

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Ed arrived at the Colonels office at 12:45.

Nothing bad had happened along the way either. See?

He had tried to procrastinate as long as possible, but only managed to stay away for so long.

The bastard had no idea how much power he had over him.

Roy wasn't just Ed's commanding officer, well, only to him, Mustang was the object of him affections romantic wise.

Yep.

Ed was in love with the Flame Alchemist.

Not that anybody needed to know that...it was probably just a crush, not love...right!

After all, Mustang was at least twice his age, not to mention a guy.

For some reason, none of this managed to persuade Edward that he was not trying to fool himself and that he was not in LOVE with the Colonel.

Ed kicked the door open. "Colonel Bastard." His usual greeting.

Roy didn't respond and kept scribbling his signature on a piece of paperwork.

"MUSTANG! DON'T IGNORE ME YOU BASTARD! NOT HURRY UP AND TELL MY WHAT YOU DAMN WANT FROM ME THIS INSTANT!" Let's just say, that Ed was not in a happy mood at all.

The week was taking a toll on him.

Roy blinked, huh? What was up with Ed?

Everyone in the outer office was staring at the door trying to figure out if they should save the Colonel from a sure death. They decided that it was Roy's job to save them from a horrible death today, not the other way around.

Roy stared at a fuming Edward in well...shock.

Ed had never yelled at him like that.

Ever.

Ed stopped hyperventilating and sighed.

"What do you want Mustang?" he asked much more calmly, stroking his temples.

He felt a migraine coming on

Roy blinked, ok...anger management much?

"Fullmetal, I have a very important mission for you today." he announced.

Ed looked at Mustang intently. "What?"

Roy smirked, "You have to do my laundry."

Ed blinked, "huh?" he answered.

"You have to do my laundry Fullmetal."

'Horoscopes are not real. Nope. This is not a terrible thing at all.' thought Ed desperately. Then Ed had a plan to actually prove his horoscope wrong. "I am terribly sorry Colonel, but I'm not going to do that unless you pay me."

Colonel Mustang blinked, what? "Now Fullmetal, you know that I won't give you money for your services, that's what the military does, not me."

Ed smirked, "I wasn't talking money Mustang." he answered, walking toward the Flame alchemist.

"Well then Fullmetal, what _were_ you talking about?" asked Roy. His eye's were closed so he didn't notice that Ed was no longer in front of him.

Ed smirked even more, "Why this bastard." he murmured as he grabbed Roy's chin and yanked it up so that their lips touched.

'Take that horoscope!' thought Edward. 'This is one of the best moments of my inter life! Ha!'

Needless to say, Roy was at least somewhat shocked.

Who wouldn't be if all of a sudden one of you subordinates just kisses you out of the blue.

Not to mention a dead sexy, smart, hot-headed, chibi, blond subordinate that you thought would never, even in a million years like you back.

Yep that was needless to say.

Edward somehow managed to slip his tongue past Roy's lips and into his mouth, exploring the moist cavern.

Roy moaned as Ed slipped his tongue into his mouth and did _something_ with his tongue that had nothing to do with them both being guys or Edward being in a bad mood or short for that reason.

Ed pulled away, "I'm off to go do your laundry now," he whispered in Roy's ear, licking the top, making a pleasant shiver run down Roy's spine.

Roy blinked. He didn't want to blond to leave and go do his laundry, he wanted Ed here, in his lap, kissing him.

"Oh, and you had better come and check up on me later, you never know if I might be slacking off." Ed paused, "Another thing, that wasn't all of the payment you owe me for doing this, there is a lot more, just so yo know."

Roy smirked, "Why of course Edward, I wouldn't dream of cheating you out of anything. I'll come check on you later."

Ed nodded, mirroring Roy's seductive smirk and walking out the door.

See? His horoscope was wrong, he had a great week, and he's have the Colonel all to himself in a few hours. All it took was a horoscope and some laundry.

Edward couldn't wait till this afternoon.

His horoscope was absolutely wrong.

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**I had a lot of fun writing this one. I was trying to come up with a St. Patrick's day fic, but this is what I came up with. It has absolutely nothing to do with clovers or lepurcans. hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. bonus chapter!

**Bonus story for Horoscopes**

**It's kinda random. Only a little enter sarcastic tone here**

**I don't own FMA.**

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Ed was utterly and completely bored.

It was now Monday and he had nothing to do. Not to mention that he was still missing one of his shoes.

But that was ok. He had two pairs.

Ok not really, he wanted his left shoe back! Were ever it was.

Ed searched all around that stupid dorm and didn't find it!

Not that the dorm was very big, but still! Were else could it be?

Ed sat and wondered what to do.

He could go to HQ and make-out with Mustang again. The man was a great kisser.

Then again, after having so many girl friends who wouldn't be good at it?

Ed sat on his bed a while longer. What to do, what to do...

Then all of a sudden Greed shows up right next to Ed!

"WTF?"Ed screamed, falling off of the bed. "What do you want Greed?"

Greed hung his head and held out Ed's wallet, "I stole it from you, what I can't help it! I'm greedy by nature!"

Ed blinked, "why are you giving it back then?"

Greed blinked, "because there's no money in it, it's no use to me if it doesn't have money."

Ed swiped it back, "go away greed and don't steal my wallet again!"

"Whatever chibi." said another voice.

"Envy? What are you doing here?" asked Greed and Ed at the same time.

They glared at each other, how dare they jinx them?

Envy snorted, " here's your shoe chibi-san."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT IF HE FOUND HIS MISSING SHOE HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE IT BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE A MOUNTAIN!"

Envy laughed, "you never cease to amuse me chibi-san."

Ed fumed.

"To answer your fist question, here's your shoe!" Envy held the boot just out of Ed's range, making him jump repeatedly for it.

"Wait, why'd you have my shoe?"

"Because, I hate to admit it but, I was envious of your shoes, so I just had to take one, but if yo only have one boot, it's not cool."

Ed blinked, then why didn't he just steal the other shoe?

Ed made a hand pop out of the ground and grab the shoe. "Ha! Mine!"

Roy walked in the door, "Ed, who were you talking to? And why is a giant hand grabbing one of your shoes?"

Ed blinked and looked around for Envy and Greed, they were nowhere to be found.

Ed decided to just go and kiss the bastard instead of explaining. It was a better past-time for his mouth than talking.

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**Like I said, just slightly random, but I hoped that you liked it al least a little bit.** **That's the second chapter! And the last!**


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